Trans Love Stories – Marianne Oakes
At the start of April I shared my love story with my followers on Twitter. I came out to my wife, aged 19. Last December we celebrated 36 years of Marriage. I invited members of the twittersphere to share their own trans love stories and I was overwhelmed by the response. This IDaHoBIT 2020 I want to break the silence and counter any negativity to share with you the true-life examples of happy couples in love, where one of them just happens to be trans…
Being trans does not stop us from finding love. It may throw in an additional layer of complexity but that should not prevent people from taking a risk – after all, who can say that their own love story is 100% risk free?
Love can be painful and it can be cruel but it can also be wonderful, giving us hope and showing us that we can be accepted and appreciated for who we are.
A huge thank you to all those who were generous enough to share their stories – they offer irrefutable proof that trans love is not only possible but it is just as real and valid as any other love.
Our counsellors offer therapy to both individuals and couples, wanting to discuss the impact of transition on their relationship. To find out more about how we might be able to support you, wherever you are in the world, visit: https://www.gendergp.com/therapy/
Unfortunately relationships holding together, rather than falling apart due to transition are the exception, rather than the rule. And sometimes hormone therapy can alter your sexual orientation, as it did with me, which proved to be a crushing blow as I could not give my then partner the intimacy she craved. I am now facing an uncertain future with a sexual orientation firmly directed towards more masculine people, men basically. This I quite find quite scary in a dating market where I may be “competing” with cisgender women, for heterosexual men; and feeling nervous about the risks and their foibles, but I’m trying to be positive I can find the right person, maybe he’ll be a trans man? Who knows?
Hi Lindsay,
I sympathise with your situation. When I transitioned in ‘93 I had friends in your situation and I tried leaving myself open to my sexuality changing along with my gender.
It didn’t and I have now been in a lesbian relationship with Anthea since ‘96. Sadly I don’t think many Straight Cisgender men are able to see past their own preconceived ideas re Trans women.
I do hope you find a man who falls madly in love with you.
Very best wishes, Jenny x
Literally all of these are people staying together not ‘finding’ anything they didn’t already have.
Why is it these are exclusively examples of trans people dating cis people who they started seeing before thier transition? It’s been much more common to see trans people dating each other, at any stage of thier journey. These relationships are just as healthy and often have strong foundations in such a shared experience so I wonder why they weren’t platformed.
Hi Isaac, We couldn’t agree more! We just featured responses we got to the post on Twitter. We’d be more than happy to add stories of trans people dating each other, if you have one we’d be more than happy to share yours 🙂
Hi Isaac,
I know of one young Trans couple here in South Australia who have been together for at least ten or more years.
Anthea, my Cisgender partner, and I have been together since 1996, three years after I transitioned in 93. (See our story on GenderGP blog). She was an out lesbian when we met and caused quite a stir In some circles when we got together back then.