Yesterday, I spent the evening with a young trans woman who joined our family for some food, wine and chat. I have worked exclusively with trans people since 2015 and I never cease to be inspired and humbled by the stories I hear and the journeys that I am invited to join.
This trans woman did not have a long or relentless history of gender dysphoria, and she hadn’t waited for years to transition. But at the age of 37 something clicked into place and she realised that she needed to live her life authentically.
She showed me photos of her a few years ago. She was then sporting an impressive, thick wiry beard, and bushy eyebrows. But when I looked at the woman sitting beside me, I saw soft fine skin and prettily shaped brows, with highlighted cheek bones and manicured fingernails. I had no doubt that she was a woman.
When she presented male to the world she had married twice, had had a varied career in journalism, video game design and social media, seemingly fitting every expectation of a male role. Yet, despite her success, she knew that she should live her life as a woman. Now, looking back, she has never been happier.
She told me how she left her very successful YouTube channel because, to her, her voice let her down. She shared with me how her family had reacted to her different identity. How she enjoys shopping for dresses with her mother, how her grandmother with early dementia did not raise an eyebrow, how her younger brother enjoys his older sister.
I watched the dynamics in my dining room as we drank wine, ate Christmas food, laughed at jokes and played games. My 20 year old son related to her with ease, he had not initially known that her gender was anything other than female, and he joked and laughed with her as he would with any other young woman. When she started sharing stories of her transition, he got an insight into his mother’s work in real time.
She told me how her sexuality has changed and she wonders whether she will ever be able to find a man to share her life with. I know what an amazing wife she has the potential to be – funny, caring, interesting – but I know she still has one potential disadvantage, something that might put men off. That breaks my heart.
This afternoon and evening spent in the company of this young lady, her openness and generosity in sharing her experiences once again brought home the privilege I feel to be involved with the trans community.
No two humans are the same, our gender identity, our sexuality, the colour of our skin. We have different personalities, experiences, assets and skills. We all wear our identity differently, and that is what makes us so uniquely human.
My Christmas message to those who judge those whose gender does not match the one they were assigned at birth is simple: Open your eyes, reach out and listen and learn. To shun or hurt this community of people who have already been dealt a challenging hand, does nothing but cause further pain. Embracing them on the other hand is incredibly enriching.
My Christmas message to anyone who is questioning their gender is: Listen to your heart, look in the mirror and see past the person staring back, past the version of you that you present to the world to the true you. Whoever that is, is OK.
My Christmas message to anyone who has the honour to be in a role that cares for, or enables people to live their life more happily by embracing their gender is simply: believe and support them. Use your position of power, knowledge or expertise to assist them, and learn all you can from them, so you can go on to understand more about the deep diversity of humans.
So, I raise my morning cup of tea to the lovely young woman who shared our family home last night, and I wish her a very Merry Christmas.
What a wonderful story <3 I love it when I hear a story of a Trans woman who is happy and successful. I to am a Trans Woman, in transition, for one year now… I Transitioned 25 years ago and de-transitioned, I had my breasts removed just find out that I was unhappy. So now I am transitioning again and for keeps… The outside pressure from others is what hurt the most and caused me to de-transition.
When I was young I always felt like I should have been born a girl and prayed I would wake up changed. I was very feminine so I tried everything to be manly. I became a gymnast in High School, then joined the US Navy to see the World, spent 22 months in Vietnam working with the SeaBees. Then after discharge I joined the US Army and trained, and became a Green Beret (Army Special Forces) where I became a Special Operator for MACV-SOG and a team leader for another 18 months in Vietnam. Later on after 10 years in the Army, I joined the USAF and became a Pararescueman (PJ). When I retired in 1984 after 20 years, I went back to school to be a doctor and became a Radiologist. That was when I transitioned the first time. I'm 5' 6" tall, so I pass easily. My voice is feminine as well. Now the VA is helping me with my second Transition and I love every second of it… I still like women and never been interested in men. Just hope I find that special gal. I'l now 73 years old but I do look very young, like I'm in my 50's and after FFS I'll be a real cutey… Merry Christmas to you and your family. ps: if you'd like to use my story and any photo's of me, just let me know. jimi Jennifer Shorten (I'm Irish born in England, I came to the USA when I was 9 years old)
“She told me how her sexuality has changed and she wonders whether she will ever be able to find a man to share her life with.”
I can say that she most likely will, speaking from my own experience, I get asked out on dates all the time, some know that I’m trans others don’t.
It’s not a problem…
Hooray! That has cheered me up no end. There is a lucky, lucky man out there who will have the honour to date this lovely young lady.
So gorgeous… a loving caring story of realised self. Xx
I love the way that her realisation came later in life, but made no difference to the intensity of her desire to live authentically.
You too are amazing helen, the selfless work you have done in supporting the trans community speaks for itself.
You are amazing xx
Thank you so much, my current work is the most rewarding part of my career by far. It is more than work to me, it has become my life.
Thank you. That is a beautiful and uplifting story and we really do need them right now. Merry Christmas to you, keep on with your great work. Love and best wishes to all Trans people, and their SOFFA’s x x
I am very proud to be a Significant Other Friend Family and Ally!
A lovely heartwarming story and message.
She is a heart-warming lady, a role model for my family.
Many thanks for your very heartwarming story , I hope she finds the happiness she deserves.
Merry Christmas .
trans women are beautiful and the right man is somewhere waiting Victoria, xx
Thank you for your lovely Christmas message Helen. I know how much you have put on the line to help the Trans community and on a personal level, allowing me to start my transition medically while in the interminable GIC queue, brought me back from the brink. So my Christmas message to you and Mike and your whole team is thank you for all you do for us. xx