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My Story: Meena

When we are young, the only thing that’s important to us is play. Children are born free and the future isn’t even a consideration. The older we become the more we learn, we start to pick up on social cues and get an idea of what is, and what isn’t, acceptable in terms of our behaviour, from our peers.

The dreams of being a movie star or a princess (huge ambitions that every child has) are slowly replaced with duty and work. And our play? This becomes a distant memory, as we grow and we learn new things, so too do we learn to fear separation and isolation.

Our fear of being singled out can come from anywhere but often it comes from our race, social standing, sexuality or gender. Fear, as a sentiment, is learned as we progress through our tricky teenage years and into adulthood and it takes us our whole adult life to come to terms with the implications, to understand them and to learn, once again, to be free.

I didn’t know what gender was when I was young. All I knew was that when I fell asleep at night or reasoned within the confines of my own mind, I was female, I dreamt and played as a girl. While I was young it was something my parents didn’t mind, in fact they embraced it. My upbringing was nomadic, so it wasn’t a huge issue. Later, as I grew, this acceptance slowly faded as my toys were replaced with “boys” things, my hair cut short, my happiness replaced with sadness.

Fast forward a few years of deep depression and several suicide attempts, and a life spiralling out of control. I began a spiritual path, to find myself again, through Shamanism, this lead to me finding the peace within myself to surrender. I let go of trying to be what everyone wanted me to be and started to be me, a transgender woman. I feel a peace inside for the first time in my life, truly, no hatred toward myself or wishing I would die. I see every day as a sacred gift.

Just like up, implies down and in implies out, the masculine and feminine go together, they are the yin and yang and everything in between, they are a spectrum of human expression. 

To say a human being’s body binds them to a gender is as naïve as saying, we shouldn’t drive or fly because the body is limited so it isn’t natural! We forget we are birthed by a infinite universe. Life is a miracle, we are all a miracle and, just like the universe, human beings have infinite potential.

We shouldn’t be caught up in our minds and fear but instead embrace one and other, if not for us, then for the sake of the next generation who deserve to live in a world without fear.

To be yourself, to love yourself, to embrace all this fleeting life has to offer, this is the meaning of life.