Prince William’s statement on Tuesday (June 25th), that it would be ‘absolutely fine’ if George, Charlotte or Louis were LGBT, was an important step forward in terms of normalising those who do not conform to a stereotypical view of gender or sexuality. The Duke of Cambridge also said that “his only concern would be for any “hate or persecution” they would endure.” – While it is unfortunately true that trans people are still targeted and not always accepted within society, it is often this very struggle that is an intrinsic part of shaping who we are.
The presumption by heteronormative/ cisnormative people that being different automatically means life will be harder, plays right in to the hands of those who believe that to be different is to be labelled a freak. A fear which stops so many people from being free to be themselves.
In 1991, when a climate of fear surrounding AIDS was demonising homosexuality, Princess Diana took a stand. When she took the hand of a dying man in one fell swoop she humanised those suffering from the disease, turning them from something to be feared into someone’s son, brother, father. Human beings, deserving of a princesses touch and warmth.
Today’s anti trans climate is no different. We are demonised, positioned as something to be feared – in case what we have is catching. It isn’t. Being trans is as normal to me, as being cis is to you. It is a perfectly ordinary variation of the human condition.
I have often been asked if there was a pill to stop me from being trans, would I take it? The short answer is no, I wouldn’t. And this is why.
Being transgender has stripped me of what would have been my white male privilege and replaced it with something which is no doubt tougher to navigate, but which gives me a level of compassion which I am convinced I would not have had without my trans identity.
Being transgender has taught me to care about all minority sections of society, to understand the plight of the down trodden and those who are seen as lesser, because they do not conform to the stereotypical view of what is, or what is not, “acceptable”.
It is precisely because I am transgender that I am able to help these people.
I know what it is like to have real hatred levied against me. Just for my very existence, for being born this way. I have experienced prejudice first hand, I have been discriminated against and I have been judged. And despite all of this, I have survived, I have learned to look after my self emotionally and physically, trusting my instincts to help keep me safe. I am nothing if not resourceful, I have had to be.
I have felt and continue to feel the threat of vulnerability, hanging over me like a shadow and I understand the importance of continually moving, to keep both myself and my family safe. I have learned not to rely too much on others.
Being transgender has allowed me to nurture certain qualities that I may never have even acknowledged, had I been born a cis white male. What kind of a person would I be without these experiences, what kind of partner, what kind of parent? And what kind of friend would I be, if that part of my identity was not there? What values would I hold dear, where would my moral compass point?
My life experience is intrinsically linked to my gender identity, just as it is for anyone else, only my gender identity differs from the one I was assigned at birth…that does not make it any less a part of who I am.
I sometimes wish I could let people see the world through my eyes, to walk in my shoes. I do not see being transgender as anything more than a challenge that has helped to form my character. It is not a flaw, it is not a disability and it is certainly not a sexual deviation. Being trans is simply part of who I am.
I have a son who is autistic, had he been born without autism, I have no doubt that his life would have been easier – he has faced a world which wasn’t set up to support his needs but he has grown, fought and flourished in spite of this. I know, long after I am gone, that he will be better able to survive this world because of these challenges. And I couldn’t be more proud.
We have to change the narrative. This world is full of beautiful colour, we must embrace diversity in all its glory instead of trying to make everyone fit into a cookie cutter version of what society expects. To do so is to negate the very thing that makes us individuals.
When I step into my counselling room, the challenges I see faced by the cis people I meet, are no less consuming than those faced by the trans people I work with – they are just different. Being born in the gender with which you identify, it seems, does not free you from life’s stresses and strains, so why are we trying to suggest that it does?
Victims are not born. They are made. Why should we expect that life will be harder, just because we are different? As though we have no choice, as though society cannot possibly adapt to accommodate us. It can and it should.
I urge everyone – including the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge to consider what they can do to promote not only acceptance, but celebration of diversity. Let’s create a world where being different is not only OK, it’s also seen as kind of cool.
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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
The UK is one of the worst industrialised nations outside the Middle East to be LGBT, it’s never been a shining example but now the atmosphere is getting frighteningly poisonous largely thanks to Brexit and right wing populism. I’m slowly giving up hope of getting help from the NHS as well, more austerity is coming and already inadequate transgender services will be in the firing line as an easy target as the economy and tax revenues are hammered by Brexit.
Your so right and I want to thank you for the part you have played in my transitioning so far
You made me realise I’d always been trans I just didn’t need to shout it out until I was ready and yes it was like a light switch had been pressed and suddenly everything was clear I’m a happy man with a natural smile at last
Marianne is so on the nail here.Even more so its important to say that the narrative is usually dictated by others.Always about us not with us.How often have you seen trans issues debated in the media or press or even on question time on BBC -yet virtually never are WE given a voice.It is as if we are not allowed.
So our very existence becomes a topic for debate bu other people.As for so called human rights or trans rights -where are they ?We are not even given by many a right to be who we are.They talk of ideology or an ism etc and even more crazy is this lobby forcing people onto dangerous hormones and surgery.Of course we know the reality a minimum 2 to 3 year wait even to get to see a GIC (and that’s if everything goes right ) and when you get there -oh you havent done all these things first so another year -next !! and as for the dangerous hormones ( Estrogen ) mmm half the population are already on them ! and the issue is not too much of them but too little.
Gender gp have performed a vital role in the trans community and I uspect strongly have actually saved lives in the process.Unusually in an area known to be defensive they actually work for the benefit of patients.Marianne ,Helen and Mike (Drs Webberely )have always been a beacon and shining light and I for one will always be thankful for their passion and caring non judgemental service.